hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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