We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
