I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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