Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
