Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
