My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
