R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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