Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
