great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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