OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
