i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
