I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
