If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
