My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize