everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
