I will die if light touches me.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
