dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
