Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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