So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
