You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
