Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
