we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
