Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize