Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
