On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
