Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
