is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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