He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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