I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
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You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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