hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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