I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
