if i died would you start the facebook group?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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