Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize