WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
