I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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