I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
