I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
