I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
