This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
