On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
