Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
