He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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