A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
