youre lurking in front of me
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
