at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
