how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
