Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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