I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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