he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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