I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
