I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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