just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
