Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
