so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
