She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
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So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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