So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
