Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ketchup is God's man juice
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
