we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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