Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He better not be in your backpack
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
