i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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