He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
