Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
