i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
