brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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