I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
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