I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
