i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
