you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
