fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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