Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
