I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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