why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sext me about skeletons
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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