I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
