that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
