i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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