I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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