just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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