My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
MIDGETS
????
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Two words: blizzard sex
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
