she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
